First I want to say thank you for the people who are following me, and those who like my posts, please comment I love comments lol. Today my post is a little more serious and a little sad, it’s how I’m feeling though. So I have fertility issues and I’ve been told that it’s super unlikely that I’ll conceive naturally, and still unlikely that I’ll conceive with medical intervention. I’ve known for 4 almost 5 years now but it doesn’t get easier, oh and have I mentioned I raise other people’s children for a living?
I love my kids at work please don’t get me wrong, I work with 2 year olds and they keep me on my toes. I enjoy most of their parents, I have fun playing with them, watching g them grow, and even helping them through their tantrums. Some times, like tonight, it hurts. It hurts watching them get excited and go home with their parents, it hurts knowing I invest my life and love into them and in the end I’ll be forgotten.
It’s a mix of feelings to see my friends getting married and having babies, trying to be happy but crying myself to sleep because I won’t ever have that. I joke so much and say well working with kids makes me not want to have them, but as I see these tiny 6 week old babies come into the center, grow, learn, and leave 5 years later my heart grows heavy. Maybe it’s not meant to be, and maybe it’s one of those things like those who can’t do teach, but when does my time come? When do I get to have a family?
And yes yes I know adoption or surrogacy is an option, but both cost thousands of dollars. That money should go to raising my child not having to buy one, I mean adoption costs so much it’s like they don’t even want you to adopt. I will close with this; if I never get the chance to be a mother I’ll be ok. I’m blessed to have an amazing job where I impact the loves of so many tiny humans, and I make a difference if only for a short time. I’ll also be sad that I’ll miss out on something I’ve wanted since I was just a small girl, but I’ll live.