I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a horrible person! To tell you this story let me first tell you a little about myself. So like I said in my previous post 2015 changed alot for me, I quit smoking, quit drinking, started going to church, and vowed to be a better me. I’m an apostolic pentecostal, yes the ones who don’t cut their hair and only wear skirts, we are a pretty dedicated bunch of people who love to praise and celebrate God. It can be hard when you’re not someone raised in the church, and when you’re one of the only ones in your house to attends church especially a pentecostal church.
God is working on me and slowly changing me, but it’s a process and it’s hard. I always said I was an atheist because it was so much easier then explaining how I actually felt about God. Anyways bunch of changed blah blah blah, but I still feel like an awful person and maybe I am. Jealousy truly is a monster!
So I my friend, we’ll call her Kelly, is the one who introduced me to the church and I’m so thankful for her! Kelly is an amazing friend makes me laugh, gives me great advice and answers all of my questions. But now Kelly has a boyfriend and once again I’m the last of the Mohicans! It’s like I have the plague! And I’m so happy for her, but I wish I had what she has! I get that I’m not the prettiest, most intelligent, or even the most interesting person but I’m not that bad!
I’m so glad that she’s happy and I pray they work out and eventually get married because that’s what she wants out of life, I just want to know when is it my turn? I care for people all day everyday, and I’m not looking for sympathy or an award, I just want to know when someone will see what I have to offer and love me for who I am. Maybe they never will, maybe God’s plan for my life doesnt involve a family. I struggle to say of that’s His plan for me then I will be happy and follow Him through it all, I will but it will hurt!
All I’ve ever wanted out of life is to be married, have a great husband who enjoys serving the Lord and a few children. Maybe it’s not meant to be, maybe I am team single for life. I guess I’ll forever be a bridesmaid and never the bride. No matter what I love my God and will follow Him through all.